Kink is a Remix

Kink or any form of sexuality or relationship is ultimately a remix of what’s come before.

There is a well-known series of videos created by filmmaker, writer, and speaker Kirby Ferguson that have circulated on the web for a while that suggest everything we do is essentially a remix. Here’s the 2023 version of one of those videos.

The video defines remix as “to copy, transform, and combine existing materials to produce something new.

“Everything is a Remix” was originally a four-part series posted from 2010 to 2014. Here is Part One of that series.

I think you’ll find the videos interesting. When I first watched them, I experienced a number of enlightening moments because Ferguson convincingly explains how just about everything we or anyone else creates is some semblance of a remix of things that came prior. This radically changed my perspective.

The series of videos explores the idea that good art doesn’t just manifest out of nowhere. Artists borrow from one another. They draw on past ideas and conventions, turning them into something different, beautiful, and maybe seemingly new.

While the videos offer specific examples from music, filmmaking, and technology, I contend it applies to anyone who engages in any type of creativity. I’ll also go out on a limb and suggest that everyone engages in some level of creativity to do their work, engage in their hobbies, and function in life generally.

Ferguson delivered a TED Talk about this topic in which he again describes a remix as creating new media from old media using the techniques of copying, transforming, and combining.

But Ferguson extends the copy, transform, and combine paradigm beyond the example of music and art.

But I think these aren’t just the components of remixing. I think these are the basic elements of all creativity. I think everything is a remix, and I think this is a better way to conceive of creativity.

The realm of this newsletter, sexuality (often of the kinky variety) and relationships (often of the more adventurous variety), is also a constantly shifting set of remixes.

Kink is a remix. Adventurous sexuality of any kind is a remix. Relationship styles are a remix. Erotic identities are a remix. It’s all a remix and by conceiving of it that way I think we can better come to terms with some of the antagonistic push and pull that takes place within such communities.

Let me use a highly visible example taken from the kink communities – kink or fetish garb. Every year it seems that there are new variations or seemingly entirely new clothing or gear creations that become part of the way kinksters dress and present. Compare a classic, all-black leather image from a 1970s gay leather magazine to some of the ways many gay kinksters dress nowadays and you’ll likely see elements of past clothing or gear imagery reflected in a new form.

To be highly specific, when I first came out into the gay men’s leather scene, a small subset of guys wore leather harnesses. With rare exception they were always made of black leather and silver buckles. Fast forward to today and we see the ubiquitous same concept of harnesses (copy) presented in different colors, materials, and designs (transform), and perhaps blended into other fetish looks such as a jockstrap or pants to which the harness attaches (combine).

This happens all the time. It will continue happening. It’s never going to not happen. It’s how creativity and change work. It applies to clothing and gear, but it also applies to how we erotically play, what types of play is currently popular, one’s erotic identities within a kink community, and so on. The remix concept is how something stays fresh and alive.

So, rather than bemoan change, as often happens, it’s instead to be celebrated as the sign of an alive and vibrant set of communities.

Relationship styles also operate through the remixing process. Various styles of monogamy, non-monogamy, and polyamory get mixed and blended together to produce other unique variations either individually or perhaps they rise to the level of wider community acceptance. Think of something like solo polyamory as an example.

Why am I bothering to point this all out?

Anyone who’s being around an organized erotic or relationship community of any kind has encountered people who resist change. You’ll hear protestations of “That’s not how we’ve done it before,” “They’re violating our community’s standards,” or some other complaint when something being witnessed doesn’t conform to their notion of “how it’s supposed to be.”

Change can be difficult. Adapting to new imagery, presentations, identities, relationship styles, or ways of being sexual isn’t always easy. But I think if it’s all seen as the inevitable result of the inherent remixing that takes place through all of life’s creative processes, perhaps it will lessen the churn that such change creates.

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