The Kink Scene is Doing Just Fine

Despite people occasionally bemoaning the state of the contemporary kink scene, I think it’s doing just fine, and I explain why.

I was looking through some old files and noticed an article I wrote in 2014 right after an annual San Francisco leather and kink street fair, “Up Your Alley” (often referred to as “Dore Alley” by locals), had taken place. It’s one of two big annual leather and kink street fairs produced by Folsom Street that takes place in San Francisco, the other being the much larger, world-famous Folsom Street Fair.

I decided to comment here on these Fairs in their current iterations and how in many ways they reflect the overall trends in the kink scene itself.

The two street fairs and the dozens of tangential events that take place the week of the Fairs are chockful of something for kinksters of every persuasion. The people at Folsom Street and all the volunteers always create wonderful and unique experiences for those who attend. They work hard to create fun events as do the producers of the surrounding events. San Francisco is lucky. We have an abundance of kinky things to do here.

Since the 2024 Up Your Alley Street Fair has recently taken place, and since Folsom Street Fair is looming on the horizon, here’s my reflection on those Fairs I’ve attended for decades and why I think they’re a microcosm that points to a scene that’s adapting and thriving.

As I was attending the recent Up Your Alley Street Fair in July, I was yet again struck by something – our scene is alive and well. Not just alive and well but truly thriving and growing. This observation flies in the face of many of the gloom and doom comments I sometimes hear about the leather and kink scene.

I think we need a reality check.

My Up Your Alley comments here are primarily rooted in the gay men's scene and experience since Up Your Alley tends to have a preponderance of gay men in attendance. I contend much of what I’m about to say relating to the gay men’s kink scene applies to all aspects of kink regarding of gender or orientation.

Since I travel often in kink circles, both locally and nationally, I tend to hear a lot of the common comments, the good and the bad, about the leather and kink scene. I hear some negative comments that tend to fall into a few main categories. There is the "leather just isn't what it used to be" category. Then there's the "I wish these younger guys would respect the traditions" category. Finally, there's the "those guys aren't really part of our scene" category. Well, here's what I think.

These days, most of the kink events I attend are overtly gay men or queer focused. I attend events catering to a wider swath of the kink scene, but in recent years I’ve erred on the side of choosing mostly gay and queer events because that’s where I feel most authentically me. That said, my roots in heterosexual and pansexual kink are rather deep too. My focus on the gay men’s experience is by no means meant to negatively reflect on other aspects of kink communities.

So, I hear all the time that the leather scene isn't what it used to be. Yes, absolutely true, but nothing remains exactly the same over time. You can say the same thing about the overall gay men's community itself. It isn't what it used to be either, and most of us think that's a good thing because it's now generally better.

When I gazed upon the recent Up Your Alley revelers, as well the guys who attended the many other surrounding events in San Francisco that week, what I saw was a lot of guys having a great time being their unique, kinky selves. Our scene is now more welcoming of individuality and variation than it was years ago, and frankly I think that's a healthy development. So no, the scene isn't what it used to be. Good. It's now even better because there are more options for a wider audience of kinksters.

As for younger guys not respecting traditions, I always wonder what traditions they're referencing. Typically, they're the past norms that have been cherry picked by the person doing the complaining. How we dress, act, socialize, play, and identify has never actually been a static thing. Perhaps it seemed that way for that relatively brief snippet of history that the original Drummer Magazine and other leather institutions at the time documented, but people have been kinky a lot longer than those institutions were around.

Younger guys are no longer feeling constrained by a narrow set of choices in terms of how they dress, act, socialize, play, or identify when expressing their kinky selves. Rather than create exact copies of previous manifestations of what it means to be kinky, they are creating and adapting themselves to be authentic and happy as they pursue their erotic and sexual adventures.

And it's not just younger guys doing this. I've noticed a lot of older guys like me doing the same thing. No longer burdened by having to tow the party line regarding what it means to be a leatherman, they are now exploring in ways more readily allowed by the wider diversity that populates the modern scene today.

When I hear comments about how some guys aren't really part of our scene because they don't fit some artificial construct of what it means to be a leatherman, I tend to laugh. I remember a time when the hardcore BDSM guys were shunned by many in the biker and leather bar crowd. I remember when fisters were a marginalized subset of the leather scene. I remember when many American leathermen would look upon a rubberman in a bar with scorn as if he was somehow violating a sacred code of dress to which every "real" kinky gay man should have adhered.

Now that we have rubbermen, pups, BDSMers, power dynamic players, fisters, sports gear aficionados and a range of erotic fetishists and explorers all under the umbrella of leather or kink, I still hear from some rigid guys exclaiming that those guys really don't belong in our scene.

Well, all I have to say is, get over it. They are part of our scene, and I think our scene is richer for it. I also have no doubt that a few years from now some other kinky subset of players will emerge that will garner the same negative comments because they dare to express their sexuality and erotic identity in ways that are true to who they really are in terms of kink. I will likely be among the first to embrace them.

While Up Your Alley still has an overwhelming preponderance of gay men attending, Folsom Street Fair is far more diverse, and also much larger. At Folsom Street Fair, you’re more likely to see an even wider cross section of kinksters of every persuasion, and many more of them since Folsom Street Fair is significantly larger than Up Your Alley.

That said, Folsom Street Fair has changed dramatically over the years. From its origins as a smaller anti-gentrification event to its development into a larger heavily gay men’s leather scene event and back to its even larger and more diverse original roots today, the Fair has changed. Its current approach is to reach out to and cater to as many types of kinksters from as many sectors of kink as possible and I think the organizers do an excellent job of doing that.

If you’re a kinkster who’s never been to Folsom Street Fair, I recommend it. There is no other experience on the planet quite like it. Imagine 250,000 people, mostly kinksters of some stripe, communing and celebrating on multiple blocks in the South of Market area of San Francisco. It’s joyful. It’s magical. That’s not an overstatement. It’s magical.

Check out the Folsom Street Fair page on the producing organization’s site for more information. Also, do an online search for “Folsom Street Fair” and you’ll see lots of information, recounting of experiences, and other insights to make your Fair experience a good one.

Change is a universal principle. It’s one of those principles that permeates everything in our lives. We change professional interests, social interests, circles of friends, topics we like to study, hobbies… all sorts of things. Over time as we grow as human beings, we evolve, we change. And if we change in all those ways, why should we not also change as kinksters. And if we change as kinksters, should not the scene we manifest around us change also? If we're not changing, we're stagnating.

Barring any acts that are lacking in respect for others or the safety of others, if anyone ever says you should do or be something that does not sync with your own way of being a leather person or kinkster, especially if they preface it by saying "well, that's tradition" or "that's just how it's done," don't accept it at face value. Challenge that notion. Be your own person. Embrace the growth and change in yourself and the scene that you and countless others like you manifest around you. The scene is just as much yours as anyone else's, no matter what someone might say.

I encourage you to embrace, not resist, change.

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