Pondering Kink Education
Kink communities should consider the focus of their education efforts and deliver them accordingly.
The original version of this post was published on June 19, 2012, on my now dormant blog. Recently someone posted a link to it on a social media platform along with a supportive comment and it generated quite a bit of discussion. So, I’ve removed the post from my inactive blog site and have republished it here as a slightly revised version. I hope it continues to generate discussion. Posts like this one are of course opinion, in this case my opinion. Your opinion may vary. But if this generates useful discussion, it will serve its purpose.
While I stand by my opinions here, I’m not blind. I don’t think the kink communities will change to align with my opinions. I’m a realist. Clearly kink communities have in many cases repeatedly done what I sometimes wish they would not, and that’s just how it is. I’m not a finger pointing kind of person. I don’t think there’s any big conspiracy or bad actors attempting to move the kink scene is certain directions. I think what’s transpired is organic and maybe it’s me that’s out of touch with the reality of the moment. I’m willing to entertain that possibility, but what I’ve written here still rings true for me.
Many years ago, I recall attending a birthday dinner with a few of my smart kinkster friends. The topic of kink education and outreach came up during the table conversation. As I recall the discussion that unfolded that night, it still sparks some of my concerns regarding how we do kink education.
One of the common themes throughout organized kink networks, especially among BDSM practitioners, is the need for robust education within our ranks. Along with that pervasive theme is the somewhat newer related effort to do outreach education to those outside of the networks to bring them into the fold. And then there are the education efforts for the general public. I think some of these efforts might often be misguided.
First, let me discuss education within our kink ranks and how we do that education.
As I've mentioned before in my writings, I think we’re perhaps over-educating ourselves to the point where even the most seasoned of players are starting to get the impression that if they aren't forever adding to their set of play skills, they are somehow not rising to the standards the community is setting. I think this can amount to us essentially shooting ourselves in the foot. We too often foster a sense among many that kink is primarily about skills and certain kink education amounts to our version of fancy parlor tricks that continually up the ante in terms of variety and extremes of play. This does not always sync with the average kinkster's daily experience or needs.
I think the number of classes, workshops, and panels has reached the point where it's often overkill. We simply don't need this many. At least I don’t think we do, but I’m fully aware many will disagree. I've heard from kinksters more times than I can count that they’ve reached the point where they only attend such education events because they’re socializing opportunities. But is a class really an optimal socializing opportunity? I don’t think so. Why not reduce the number of classes overall and get creative by fostering more in-person socializing opportunities in their place. Opportunities for social connections are something we desperately need as our physical meeting spaces dwindle and our virtual connections increase.
Most kinksters have a specific set of desires and needs for their kinky and erotic play. Typically, they're relatively simple and basic. They don't need to see one more of the thousands of ways to do scene X or Y. What they mostly need are insights and support on how to best meet, bond, connect, and navigate within kink subcultures. Maybe we should consider reducing the number of skills classes and figure out ways to give kinksters what they really need most.
I know. This is blasphemy to some. I get it. I’ve taught my fair share of classes and workshops over the years. I’m fully aware there’s a certain amount of kink scene credibility and status that comes from being asked to teach. I’m not naïve to that allure. I’m also aware that sometimes a community has so few socialization opportunities and a local community is comprised of enough newcomers that classes can serve both educational and socialization needs. That said, I still contend we probably don’t need as many classes as we currently offer, and for those that we do maybe we should focus on higher quality classes that serve the most kinksters possible.
I recall just a few years ago when an esteemed and respected instructor friend flew across the country to a kink conference to teach a specific class only to have the class up against so many other classes and scheduled at a time that resulted in just one person attending his class. Just one. He was not happy. I’ve seen similar situations happen before. Maybe fewer classes of higher quality would ultimately serve more people better.
The educational model that's been adopted is also becoming an outdated one. The typical kink class uses the standard industrial model of pushing out education in the form of lecture and demonstration. Education research has consistently shown this is a lousy way to learn most things, especially skills-based learning. Informal learning, mentored learning, hands-on instruction, project-based learning, team learning, leveraging recorded e-learning, and other more innovative and effective ways of teaching should be employed if the goal is to educate kinksters rather than simply give them yet another voyeuristic opportunity to view a type of play many of them will never bother exploring anyway.
My professional background is in instructional design and curriculum development. I’m not stating these things for no reason. Solid learning research supports adjusting how we teach kink classes to better serve the kinksters we purport to want to best educate.
We've also wholeheartedly adopted the standard business conference model for many of our educational events and I think at times this has proven a negative rather than a positive. What we do is not always so easily presented in such a format. What we do is more about interpersonal connection than it is about information and skills. Shouldn't our big gatherings be figuring out how to foster this rather than pushing out the same, often regurgitated information and skill sets many of the attendees have seen many times prior?
Why not create learning play parties with an interactive and mentored approach? Why not foster socializing settings where kinksters feel empowered to share knowledge, insights, and experiences with each other as learning and growth mechanisms. Why do we feel obligated to pack conference educational tracks so full that it becomes a challenge to attend what one wants to attend? Kinksters tend to be a creative bunch. Why aren't we leveraging that creativity to come up with new socializing and educational events rather than offering up yet one more cookie cutter, templated version of the same event. We're better than that, and we're often not really serving the needs of the community by rigidly sticking to old models.
Instructors at events are rarely vetted. Often, they’re invited to teach based entirely on their longevity in the scene, their star status, or some other criteria other than demonstrating the ability to teach (not everyone can), their knowledge, the solidity of their reputation, and so on. I have far too often seen people schedule an instructor simply because they have a time slot to fill rather than because the instructor rises to the level of providing true value to those in attendance. Let's vet our instructors better. Yes, this takes work. Yes, this will annoy some people who think their star status entitles them to be instructors. So be it. The scene will be better for it.
Second, let’s discuss education as outreach to bring people into the kink networks.
I often see “educational” scene demonstration events take place at public venues that concern me. Usually we call them “demos” and they might indeed be demonstrations, but I contend they’re not really about education or outreach. Do we really want the average person witnessing a complex and nuanced kink scene? The general public has no context in which to place what they see. Even those who might be kink curious can be turned off and discouraged by witnessing such play before they're ready to fully understand it within the overall context of that particular kink subculture. And many of these demonstrations are actually more performance pieces than demonstrations. The flash and pizzazz needed to hold an audience might not be demonstrating what an actual private kink scene would truly look like.
An argument that's often made is that such public displays bring new people into the kink scene. I disagree. I don't think it usually does. I think it often amounts to a sideshow carnival for the viewers and an exhibitionistic opportunity for the players. Nothing more. I don't think much education takes place. I think it's far more important to provide venues in which interested people can come, learn, and explore in a controlled and secure environment.
But if a demonstration is going to be done in a public forum, at least call it a performance and not a demonstration. That feels more honest to me. There is a place for kink performance art and it’s likely fine if it’s presented that way. That way the viewing public also has an appropriate expectation of what they’re watching. If presented as a performance, maybe an audience member won’t feel as inclined to go home and try it on their own without experienced guidance. If it’s considered a demonstration, they might.
Some kinksters are of the opinion that we want to make it easy for newcomers to come into the scene. Sure. we do on some level. But to spoon feed the general public kink scenes done outside of an understandable context doesn't do that. Make educational, learning, and support opportunities known to the public. Absolutely. But if someone doesn't have the motivation and drive to expend at least the effort it takes to show up at a more private and controlled event, do we really want them in the scene in the first place? Does this not encourage the casual dabbler who might overplay their hand at riskier things while discouraging the more engaged players? What value does this bring to the overall community?
Finally, let me discuss educational outreach to the general public.
The general public doesn’t need to know the deep dive specifics of what kinky people do. They just don't. At least not in random public settings. If they’re walking into a theater, picking up a book, or attending an advertised presentation, then they’ve at least expended a modicum of effort to determine that kink content is what they want to see. For a scene that thrives on robust consent, this feels prudent. Imagine you’re a random stranger who walks into a bar and suddenly witness a person flogging the hell out of someone. There’s no context. It’s jarring. It feels to me like on some level that violates the consent guidelines our scene so thoroughly embraces.
All we want from the general public is a basic understanding of what we do and why we do it, and to make dialogue and awareness prevalent enough so that kinksters can do what they do undisturbed. That's it. We really don't need anything else from the general public and to ask for any more is to invite problems that don't need to occur.
I know much of what I've said here is controversial. I know many within our kink ranks have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo for the educational efforts as they've developed over time. And what I've offered here is not meant to suggest that we don't need education. We absolutely do. I have championed and participated in countless educational events over the years and support them, but perhaps even I'm culpable in fostering some of the missteps I see in such efforts today. My current opinion is that we likely need a major rethink in this area. That said, I’m sure this will generate some discussion, and maybe it’s indeed something we all need to discuss further.
You can use this link to access all my writings and social media. My content is usually open and free to all to view, but for those who are able your paid subscription (click the Subscribe button) or patron support is always appreciated.