Kink Is Balkanizing

Those who navigate within one or more kink communities should embrace the reality that those communities are increasingly separating into smaller subsets.

I wrote a version of this post on another membership platform more than a year ago. A few times last week at a big kink conference I mentioned the concept of the kink scene “balkanizing.” It made me revisit my original post and revise it a bit for this newsletter.

As I've observed the kink scene grow and morph over time into an array of separate and often overlapping communities, I've arrived at the opinion that the overall scene is, to use a word borrowed from my good friend Laura Antoniou, balkanizing.

balkanize (verb)

1 : to break up (a region, a group, etc.) into smaller and often hostile units

2 : divide, compartmentalize

(Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

I don't think the kink scene's balkanization abides by the classic definition of breaking up into smaller and often hostile units because most of the time the various factions get along just fine. But I do think kink balkanization abides by the secondary definition of dividing and compartmentalizing, spawning an ever-growing set of niche identities, interests, groups, and communities.

The men's scene, for example, used to be a mostly monolithic leather community and kinky gay men of all stripes navigated socially and erotically under the single leather rallying banner. Many still do, but that's changing.

Change is good. It's natural. Change is truly the only constant in life. But change often brings uncomfortable churn. It's not always easy. Realizing it's inevitable hopefully brings some solace around the change and discomfort.

I think there are lots of good reasons to honor and accept kink's balkanization.

It's nearly impossible for one large umbrella group to adequately acknowledge all of the subset groups within it. If there's a predominant subset that's larger than the others, it's always going to be a challenge to give everyone within the group their due equal standing because the predominant group's mindset will rule, even if done unconsciously. This isn’t true of just the kink scene. It’s true of all large groups of people initially sharing a single identifier. Once the group matures, networks, and expands, balkanization seems inevitable.

Of course, larger umbrella groups should try to broaden their views and actions to more readily accept everyone within their ranks, but that doesn't mean that ultimately each subset will feel the full specialness they deserve.

One of the solutions, again to use the example of the gay men's kink scene, is to begin creating clubs and events that cater specifically to a subset. The rubber guys have a growing number of groups and events around the country with a large annual weekend in Chicago specifically for them. There are more pup groups popping up all the time with events also catering to them. I’ve seen new groups and events catering to what would have been considered incredibly niche interests in the past. The turn on of superhero costumes is one such interest.

I think we need more of these specialized groups, gatherings, and events, not fewer.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting everyone should always split up into their smaller subcategory domains and not interact with other kinksters. There is great value in everyone occasionally coming together to commune, socialize, and play in the same place. Folsom Street Fair is an example of an all=encompassing event where every kinkster no matter their identity or proclivities is likely to feel welcome. There are many other such gatherings.

But along with the big cater-to-all events we need other events to ensure that each unique group within the scene can have affinity spaces to be with their own and feel safe with, learn from, and relate to each other within the realm of their specific identities and kinks. There is great power in that.

I have no reason to believe the kink scene is going to balkanize less. The pace appears to be quickening. It's going to balkanize more. To again use the example of the gay men's scene, who would have thought a decade ago the pup community would be as big and popular as it is today? I have no doubt a decade from now entirely new subsets of kink communities will emerge.

I've only been referencing the gay men's scene here. Now imagine what a massively larger number of subsets result from groups of all genders, orientations, and erotic interests. The variety of kink identities and expressions is vast, varied, and beautiful. I love seeing people explore and expand their horizons.

The reason I wrote this is that change is difficult for some. We witness those difficulties all the time. I think we must simultaneously work to ensure everyone feels welcome in the big umbrella groups and events that cater to wide cross section of kinksters, but also work to create spaces and events that honor the subsets by centering to them specifically. There's room for both. We need both. I said much the same in a recent speech I delivered.

Let’s champion coming together. Let’s champion allowing people to have their own spaces. Most kinksters can benefit from mixing within both types of groups and gatherings.

(Since this post was inspired by discussions I had about Laura Antoniou’s concept of balkanization at a recent big leather and kink conference, I’m mentioning that Laura’s The Killer Wore Leather (paid link) is an extremely entertaining novel set in the context of a big leather event. Check it out.)

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