Keeping Things Safe and Consensual
How kink communities have created and named safety and consent practices from which everyone can benefit
I’ve been around kink territory long enough to have seen the emergence of a variety of communal mantras by which these communities abide to ensure safety and consensual behavior within their ranks. Underlying all these various phrases is something that makes me proud to be affiliated with these communities.
Kinky people care about each other. They care about ensuring physical and emotional safety. They care about consent. They care about defining what’s accepted and appropriate in order to weed out the few bad apples that are inevitably part of any community. They care about empowering people to have agency over the direction and functioning of their sexualities and relationships.
If you’re reading this and don’t consider yourself kinky, or at least not part of a kink community, there are still things to be learned from these community standards. Non-kinky people can apply them to their sexualities and relationships to ensure everyone’s having a good time and remains safe.
Here are some of the mental and behavioral frameworks that kink communities have put forth and agreed upon to guide newcomers and experienced alike. You’ll notice common threads of decency and caring for others. No matter what type of erotic practices or relationship dynamics you engage in, the welfare of your partner(s) and yourself should always be front and center in importance. These community catchphrases help do just that.
Remember as you’re reading these, if you’re not a kinky person (kinkster), these still apply. Regardless of what types of sexuality you enjoy, or what relationship configuration you’re in, you always want to consider the safety and informed consent of everyone involved.
I’m not going to interpret these frameworks in depth. There are a variety of definitions and explanations online, but I think they are all relatively self-explanatory. I’ve included the acronyms by which the kink communities typically refer to them.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SCC). When I published my book, Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun BDSM Lovemaking, in 1992, I added the word “fun” to this credo. For me, if it wasn’t safe, sane, consensual, and fun, it wasn’t for me. SSC was the first widely used safety and consent guidance catchphrase I recall being used by the leather/kink communities and it’s still probably used the most. But the ones below are increasingly popular.
Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink (RACK). This refined the SSC directive with the acknowledgement that participants were risk-aware because everything in life come with at least a modicum of risk. The reasoning behind RACK is sound. Nothing is truly 100% safe. Even crossing the street isn’t totally safe, not to mention driving a car, mountain climbing, or skateboarding. Much the way we promote defensive and aware driving of a car, so does the RACK approach promote awareness and proper management of the risks involved in kink play (indeed in all sexual activity).
Personal Risk, Informed, Consensual Kink (PRICK). I don’t see this one used very much, but it’s definitely used by some kinksters. PRICK adds to the risk-aware aspect of RACK by further emphasizing that everyone involved must take personal responsibility.
Committed, Compassionate, and Consent (CCC). I use the word compassion a lot in my daily discourse. I don’t think the world ever has enough compassion. So, I appreciated when I saw it used in this phrase.
Alyssa Rose wrote a great deeper explanation of the above phrases in Before Kink: SSC, RACK, PRICK, & CCC.
Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific (FRIES). I love that this one spells fries, one of my favorite foods. This was created by Planned Parenthood to help encourage discussions and negotiations about consent. Planned Parenthood explains it on this page and it’s accompanied by a great short video.
Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution (4Cs). I’ll admit I had never heard of this one until researching this post for current terminology that might have developed since I last checked. I found it used in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality and I like it. Hits all the important points.
Explicit Prior Permission (EPP). Since this is the newest of the frameworks, I’m including a link to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) Consent Counts page that explains EPP. In short, the five steps to get EPP for consent when engaging in kink activity are for you and all involved to (1) agree to specific acts and the intensity before you start, (2) agree what roleplay resistance is OK to ignore, (3) have a way to stop the action at any time such as with a safeword or safe signal, (4) be of sound mind, and (5) not risk seriously injuring someone.
Again, all these frameworks are intended to make any sexual, erotic, or relationship activity or situation as safe and consensual as possible. If you don’t happen to be kinky, I hope you’ll agree they can guide us all to safer play and an appropriate respect for obtaining consent.
Education – Watts the Safeword
Those who know I have an affiliation with Watts the Safeword because of the On Guard Cigar Salon show of which I’m a part might assume that when I recommend Watts the Safeword as my number one recommendation for thoughtful and accurate kink education I’m doing so because of my bias. However, I was recommending Watts the Safeword long before my affiliation and before my friend Mr. Kristofer had joined Pup Amp as the regular hosts of the show.
While the show clearly has a gay and queer bent to it, most of the information is relevant to anyone seeking good, solid information or commentary on various aspects of kink sexualities. Plus, they’re a lot of fun to watch!
Here’s an example of an episode on which they discuss some of the safety and consent frameworks I mentioned above.
Kink Cultural Competency Education – TASHRA
In the mental health and medical healthcare fields, having cultural competency means that as a provider you are aware of your own cultural beliefs and values and simultaneously work to better understand and honor the different cultures of those you work with. When it comes to kink sexualities, there’s a great nonprofit organization that does this for care providers.
The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance (TASHRA) provides healthcare professional training and healthcare research to explore the interaction between kink and health; specifically to describe the physical and mental health of the kink population, their use of healthcare, and their experiences engaging with the healthcare system.
TASHRA provides mental health and healthcare providers trainings, workshops, clinical practice guidelines, and other resources to improve the delivery of mental health and medical healthcare services to kink practitioners of all kinds.
Since they’re a nonprofit, they can always use donations to continue their work.
You can use this link to access all my writings and social media and ways to support my work.