Is Creativity in Kink Really Valued?

Are kinksters adequately encouraged to explore and create unique and beautiful erotic experiences or are they subtly coerced into drawing inside the lines?

If you are among those people who have attended any of the abundant BDSM and kink education classes offered today, you can likely attest to the fact that sexuality educators generally advocate for creativity. Creative sex is good sex tends to stand the test of time as a consistent message we among the sexually well-informed hear. It's good advice. In fact, I think a strong argument can be made that a creative life is a good life in general.

Those in the BDSM scene in particular often tend to think of the various techniques, approaches, protocols, and other information taught in classes as the end point of one's erotic education. Learn this, practice it, do it... now you're good at that particular type of erotic play. On to the next thing.

What's missing is for each student to be told that most of what they’re learning is only a starting point. Often what was taught is founded in safety and good technique but is filtered heavily through the educator’s personal opinion and experience.

How to do BDSM and kink safely and competently is fundamental and foundational, but not necessarily advanced and fully explored. The knowledge and skills we learn from others are starting points for the development of our own unique ways of erotically pleasuring ourselves and others.

When it comes to certain types of play, creativity does seem to be valued. Rope bondage is an example of that. People are lauded when they create something uniquely beautiful or functional with rope. That said, I’ve also seen lots of comparison anxiety when it comes to rope bondage. Trying to directly emulate someone who spends much of their waking life learning, pondering, and practicing various rope techniques and visual presentations aren’t who the average kinkster should be comparing themselves to for validation.

In many aspects of our kink play creativity isn't valued nearly as much. Instead, conformity appears to be the valued commodity. Dominant and submissive role play is a good example of an area where creativity isn't always valued. People who deviate from the purportedly prescribed rules and protocols are too often quickly denigrated for not “doing it right.” Want to switch roles? Want to explore unique manifestations of what being dominant or submissive means to you? Want to create your own specific type of power dynamic relationship? Do so at your own peril because the rules police are everywhere and ready to shoot you down for daring to be creative and construct your sexuality and associated relationships per your own needs and desires.

I started writing about this denigration of true creativity within kink many years ago. It’s gotten better since then I think. I credit the young people. I credit newcomers to the scene who looked at what us older kinksters had to offer, politely said thank you, took some of it and ran with it, but just as often created their own thing that looks and functions differently than in my formative kink days. I think this is a good development, a natural development, an honoring of the unwavering truth that change is the only constant.

I've always contended that our sexuality, and kink in particular, is much more an art form than anything else. So why can't we think of the knowledge and techniques we learn about kink to be more akin to learning to play scales properly on the piano. They are meant to be a foundation, but only insofar as they empower the artist to move beyond the classic and staid to the unique and exciting. Beautiful music was never made by sticking to scales and basic piano practice exercises. Rather, it's only when that knowledge and those techniques are rallied to serve as the foundation for the creation of beautiful music that they prove worthwhile. So it is with kink.

Yes, attend classes. Read books. Learn as much as you can. But remember that's only the beginning. A lifetime of beautiful art creation can await you if you take what you've learned and inject into it your own unique perspective. Then, and only then, is it truly art. Then and only then do the erotic experiences that ensue rise to the level of transformation and ecstasy.

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