Experimenting with Your Sexuality
Sometimes it’s a good idea to experiment and explore new territory that you might find adds to the enjoyment of your sex life.
The other night I did something that challenged my usual sexual patterns. It was an experiment for me, and it ended up having rather wonderful results.
A few nights ago, someone I met a few times before and like, but with whom I have no sexual history at all, messaged me on a hookup app. We flirted. I had never sensed he was interested in me before, but then again, we never really approached each other that way in the past.
Although we both live in the same San Francisco neighborhood, it turned out neither of us had a place to go to get together that evening. During the back-and-forth chat, he suggested we could just go for a walk together. So, we did.
It was late in the evening and not a time I would normally go for a walk, but this sounded like a great way to get to know the guy.
We both got dressed and then messaged each other for a meetup location. About 15 minutes later, we ended up in the same spot and began our walk through the neighborhood.
At one point, the guy suggested we walk to an open park-like area I had never visited before. It was hidden in a tucked away part of the city. I didn’t even know it existed and I’ve lived in this area for 32 years.
I’m not going to go into graphic details, but I’ll just say the guy and I ended up taking advantage of an entirely deserted late-night outdoor location to get frisky for two hours. We had a great time. We’ll be getting together again.
My point in relaying this story of me pushing beyond some initial reticence in connecting with this guy is to encourage you to experiment with your own sexuality.
A while back on my other newsletter page I wrote “My First Tiny Experiment” in which I discussed embracing Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s suggestion to explore life by creating tiny experiments. My adventure with the guy I connected with was indeed a tiny experiment. When I experienced the initial hesitation to meet him, my brain thought “Maybe this can be a tiny experiment.”
Hypothesis: Perhaps I will enjoy my sex life even more if I push myself past the well-worn path I typically walk.
Experiment: Say yes. Go meet the guy. Go for a walk. Get to know the guy. Maybe it will lead to something fun.
Results: I didn’t think the walk would result in sex, but if I hadn’t pushed myself to try something I might not normally do, it would not have led to a rather beautiful evening, a new friend, and a possible ongoing sex partner.
I plan to continue running lots of tiny sexual experiments. New locations. New kinks. New people. New erotic adventures of many kinds.
Let me insert a caveat here. I know many of my readers probably adhere to a monogamous relationship structure. Everyone should have the relationship they want and if monogamy works for you, awesome. Applying the experimental mindset can add some spark and variety to a monogamous sex life too.
Think about your own sexual patterns. Are there ruts you’d like to push yourself out of to experience new horizons? Are you fully satisfied with your current sex life? Might a tiny experiment help you find new pathways to erotic enjoyment?
A while back I wrote “Clean Slate Sex” and what I discuss in that post relates directly to an experimental mindset. When you can set aside your usual personal checklist of sexual interests and try to approach potential partners with an open mind, magic can happen.
I think all of us can benefit from an experimental mindset about all aspects of life, sexuality included.
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