Doing It Solo
Masturbation is one of the great joys of life and we should fully embrace it as a natural and fun activity.
Recently I received the Mashable After Dark email newsletter and this one was chockful of some great articles about masturbation. If you have an interest in the sexual and erotic along with some dating and relationship tips, I recommend subscribing. I enjoy the articles and many of them have added to my knowledge and inspired new ways of thinking about sexuality.
Here are a few of the articles from the newsletter.
“How to wank for hours” – Edging is the practice of maintaining a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended period of time.
“Can you masturbate too much?” – Is there any truth to ‘good things in moderation’ when it comes to wanking?
“Queer people are open about masturbation with their partners” – A survey from LGBTQ dating app HER revealed that the queer community loves self-love, and being open about it too.
Something else reading the newsletter did was spark my memory about one of my favorite sexuality books of all time, The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century by Gloria Brame.
Everyone should read this book. Everyone. I can’t imagine any adult not benefitting from the articulate information and advice this book offers.
In the interest of full disclosure, Dr. Gloria Brame, as esteemed sex therapist and author, is a friend of mine. She is someone I have long admired for her sound mind and wonderful writing. Hers is one of the most reasoned and qualified voices in the world of sexuality today. Reading anything by her is a joyful experience.
The Truth About Sex ostensibly focuses on the topic of masturbation, but in the course of discussing that topic Brame covers a wide swath of ground regarding human sexuality.
Brame unabashedly embraces masturbation as not only a natural and welcome addition to anyone's sexuality but encourages it as a means to mental and physical health. She backs up her contentions with an abundance of research studies without making the book at any time seem overly academic. It's written in a friendly and accessible style.
Along the way as she discusses masturbation, Brame also discusses society's often misguided condemnation of masturbation, the intricacies and benefits of the orgasm, the hows and whys of masturbation, what is sex and the language we use regarding sexuality, various challenges people have around their sexuality, and much more.
Scattered throughout are real-life case studies from Brame's own practice that clearly illustrate the topic being discussed. We are given some wonderful insight into the world of sexologists and others who counsel people regarding sexuality issues.
If there is a single, underlying message I got from this fantastic book it's that “masturbation and sex is good” and anyone who tells you different is just plain wrong. That's certainly a message I can get behind and support.
One minor caveat is that Brame uses the term “unsafe sex” in the text. I have worked since the 80s in various ways within HIV/STD prevention and sexual health and I find the use of the term often misleading. Much the way many in the kink world now prefer community safety mantras such as Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) as opposed to Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC), many in the sexual health realm prefer to use more exact terminology such as “safer sex” or “risk-aware, informed sex.” I also realize the book was written more than a decade ago and standard verbiage we use when discussing sexuality has changed over time.
This might sound nit picky, and perhaps it is, but it's something I feel passionate about. However, this is truly a minor point and this book remains in my personal top 10 sexuality books of all time.
Do yourself a favor and buy and read this book. If you have anything to do with teaching or counseling about sexuality, buy and read this book. If you know professors teaching human sexuality classes, suggest this as required reading. If you know of anyone struggling with negative feelings about their own sexuality, buy and give them this book. You and they won't be disappointed.
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