Cards for Kinky Humanity
A review of a card deck that seeks to help users introduce S&M into the bedroom.
A few days ago I was showing a friend a new store on Castro Street in San Francisco. As we strolled through the shop, I encountered a deck of cards called “S&M: A Beginner’s Guide.” The subtext on the box suggested it was “a guide to introduce S&M into the bedroom.”
Impulse purchases being what they are, I bought the cards. What instruction and insight might be offered in these cards I wondered?
First off, it was interesting to see the S&M acronym used rather than the nowadays more common BDSM. As soon as I turned over the first card, the B of BDSM was mentioned.
1. Bondage.
Bondage is a fundamental aspect of a dominant (dom) and submissive (sub) relationship.
The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to sex acts.
Hmm, not quite. Bondage is not a fundamental aspect of a dominant/submissive relationship. Lots of people have dom/sub relationships in which no bondage is present at all. The card is a bit misleading.
So, card deck, you’re not off to a great start for me. I turned over the second card.
2. Discipline
A relationship between a dominant and a submissive must have discipline and punishments.
Not every submissive is perfect so correction is needed when they break the rules.
Yikes! No! To parrot the iconic television commercial, “That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”
Can some dom/sub dynamics utilize discipline as part of their relationship? Yes. Do all such relationships incorporate discipline? No.
Cards numbers 5-7 explained the commonly used BDSM mantra of “safe, sane, and consensual (SSC)” and do a pretty good job of it.
By card 11 they introduce the BDSM acronym into the explanatory text, but without defining it.
The last example of questionable content in this 100-card deck I’ll point out is card 12, an explanation that a “daddy dom” is someone who “exhibits caregiving tendencies and enjoys the softer, more tender qualities. They are paired with ‘litttles’ and provide a fatherly type figure to guide their submissive.”
What? Sure that could be a description of a daddy dom in one specific instance of kink fantasy activities, but hanging out for an hour within the gay men’s kink scene would demonstrate the inaccuracy. The honorific of “daddy” is tossed around in other ways among gay men (and sometimes others) and it would be immediately evident the deck’s description of daddy dom isn’t inclusive of all interpretations.
Throughout the rest of the deck topics such as basic sexual rights, qualities of a dominant and submissive and related tips, introducing bondage, safe words, safety, toys and equipment, spanking, flogging, hot wax play, and much more.
Now, you might believe my hesitance to endorse some of the content on these cards would make me suggest not buying these cards. However, I think these cards could be an excellent education opportunity.
A BDSM kink club, class, workshop, munch, or discussion group might consider using these cards as learning or discussion jumping off points. Pull a card or go through the deck one by one in order. Read the card. Then discuss what’s true, not true, or open to interpretation based upon the situation. I think these cards could be an excellent vehicle for some good BDSM education despite their shortcomings.
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