Can Kink Ease a Slowdown of Libido?
It’s quite natural for many people to experience a reduction of sexual desire or frequency of sex as they get older. Maybe being kinky can help ease that process.
Over the past year, I’ve noticed a distinct slowing of the urgency for my need for sexual connections. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still often horny. I still like sex and kink play as much as ever. I have what I consider an active sex life. But it’s like the volume dial has been turned down a bit.
Among my older peers, I’ve often heard them discuss the same phenomenon. Since I navigate within various sex and kink subcultures, people in those social circles tend to talk about this stuff more readily than the average person might. We’re already comfortable talking about sex and erotic play. Discussing one more aspect of that topic comes naturally.
The slowdown of sexual desire and our physical ability to engage in certain sexual acts has been written about often. This is not new information.
The National Council on Aging points out that it’s quite normal for our libidos to decrease as we age.
It’s common for women to experience a drop in sexual desire and function beginning in their late 40s and early 50s. For older men, this shift may not happen until their 60s and 70s. Loss of libido is very individual. Some people may notice a dramatic change, while others notice no difference at all.
While age is one of the reasons many people notice a lessening of sexual desire, there can be other causes such as anxiety, depression, or certain medications.
Does everyone who gets older experience a reduction of sexual desire? No. Everyone is different. But it’s a common enough occurrence that it certainly appears to me to be a ubiquitous reality for most of us as we age.
Truth be known, I’m not mad about it.
Just the other day I was working on a project and realized I’d focused intently for a couple of solid hours on its completion. Many years ago, when I was in my 20s, 30s, and even 50s, my mind would have constantly wandered to the sexual and I might have needed to step into someplace private to “relieve” the tension, so to speak. There can be some upsides to a reduced libido.
But what I want to discuss here is how kink might ease the negative associations with a slowdown of libido. My contention is that the mental mindsets and physical skill sets that active kinksters develop can help ease the sudden jerkiness of a libido slowdown by replacing the overtly sexual with the mentally and physically erotic.
If you’re someone who doesn’t embrace kink of any kind and equate your sexuality directly with insertive sex like so much of society does, a lessening of desire or physical function can mean you’re seeing your sex life begin to evaporate.
If you’re someone who does embrace kink and the many ways we can be sexual and erotic, there are countless ways to satisfy the human need for erotic connection.
A couple of weeks ago I was at a big out of town kink event for one of its three days. I didn’t have sex or play that day at the event, but I was there with a man who’s been my submissive for more than 11 years. We functioned socially and in our interpersonal reactions at the event as dominant and submissive. We felt deeply intimate with each other despite not engaging in much of the physical manifestation of that intimacy we might sometimes do at such events.
During my solo drive home from the event that night, I thought about how satisfying and fulfilling it was to engage my kinky mindset with someone for whom I have incredibly strong love feelings. We didn’t necessarily need to play or have sex (although when we do it’s awesome).
It made me wonder if kink and a more open mind about sexuality generally might provide a comfortable adaptation to the natural reduction of libido. Embracing diverse ways of thinking and being erotically physical that don’t necessarily ascribe to mainstream penetrative sex models satisfies much (if not all sometimes) of the visceral and strong sexual desires that young people know so well.
Why am I offering this perspective here?
First, if you’re someone like me for whom sexual desire or frequency of play has slowed down, maybe me raising my hand in a “yes, me too” gesture will offer some solace.
Second, when and if you do experience a reduction of libido, and you’re already kinky, leaning more heavily on those kink tendencies might make the process smoother and your sex life happier.
Finally, if you do experience a desire slowdown and aren’t already an avowed kinkster, perhaps exploring some kink eroticism could add some mental and physical intimacy to your life in ways you hadn’t thought about before.
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